Appointments are short, and they come with a lot to cover: the new symptom, the side effect, the question your sister texted while you were parking. Most visits that go badly don’t go badly in the room. They go badly because nobody wrote down the questions beforehand, or nobody remembered afterwards what the doctor said about the new dose.
Here’s what to do before, during and after, whether you’re the one driving or the one reading the notes from another city. There’s a checklist covering all three stages at the end.
Start with permission
If you’re going to be in the room or talk to the doctor’s office, sort out permission first. The National Institute on Aging explains the basics for the United States:
- If you go with your parent, they can simply tell the doctor they’re happy for you to be there, and that it’s okay to share information with you later.
- To see their records or speak with a provider when they aren’t there, you’ll need legal permission. Most offices have a consent form, sometimes called a HIPAA release, listing who may receive information. Your parent needs to complete one at each office.
- In some cases a medical power of attorney makes sense. Each provider should have a copy.
Read the NIA’s tips for caregivers taking someone to a doctor’s appointment for more detail. Outside the U.S., the rules are different, so ask the practice how it works there.
Before the visit
Agree on your role with your parent. Do they want a ride and nothing more? Someone to take notes? Someone to raise the things they find awkward? The NIA notes that your parent may want time alone with the doctor for personal matters. Agree beforehand how they’ll signal that, so stepping out is easy.
Collect the questions. Ask your parent, and anyone else who helps, what they want to raise. Then put the list in order. The NIA’s advice is to bring up the most important concerns first, not save them for the end. Three priorities you definitely cover beat ten you rush through.
Pack the visit folder. The NIA suggests bringing:
- A list of every medicine, vitamin, supplement and herbal remedy, with doses and schedules, including those prescribed by other doctors. Some doctors prefer you bring the bottles themselves in a bag.
- Insurance cards
- Names and phone numbers of your parent’s other doctors
- Medical records the doctor doesn’t already have
- Glasses, and hearing aids that are working and worn
Ask about an interpreter. If the doctor doesn’t speak your parent’s language, call ahead to request an interpreter. The office may need time to arrange one.
Sort out logistics. Who’s driving, where to park, how long it’ll take, and whether there are forms to fill in. Some offices will send forms ahead of time, which is easier than filling them in on a clipboard in the waiting room.
During the visit
Your job in the room is to help your parent be heard, not to take over. The NIA puts it simply: when the doctor asks a question, let your parent answer unless you’ve been asked to. Try not to slip into a two-way conversation between you and the doctor.
- Start with the top question. If time runs short, it’s the bottom of the list that gets dropped.
- Take notes. Write down what the doctor recommends, especially any change to medicines: name, new dose, and when it starts.
- Ask about next steps. Is there a test, a referral, a follow-up? Who arranges it, you or the office? When should you expect results, and how will you get them?
- Ask what would mean calling sooner. Which changes should prompt a call before the next appointment, and which number to use out of hours.
- Ask for anything in writing. The NIA suggests asking for written materials to take home.
- Step out when asked. Respecting your parent’s privacy keeps their trust, which matters more than any one appointment.
After the visit
The hour after the visit is when you still remember everything. Before the details fade, write a short summary and share it with everyone involved. Then update the medication list if anything changed. The medication list guide covers how.
If something wasn’t clear, call the office and ask. Larger practices and hospitals often have a social worker on staff who can suggest community services, too.
When you can’t be there
Not being there doesn’t mean being out of the loop. With your parent’s permission, you can join a telehealth visit by video, or call in to a regular appointment if the practice allows it. The NIA suggests that family who live out of town ask the doctor how best to stay informed, and, with permission, get access to your parent’s electronic health records.
The simplest contribution is often the questions list. Add yours before the visit, and ask whoever is going to send the summary to everyone, not just to you. There’s more on helping from a distance in helping an aging parent when you live far away.
Appointment checklist
Before
- Check permission is in place at this office
- Agree your role, and how your parent will ask for time alone
- Collect questions from everyone and put the top three first
- Pack the medication list, insurance cards, other doctors’ details and records
- Remember glasses and working hearing aids
- Request an interpreter if needed; confirm the ride and the time
During
- Start with the most important question
- Let your parent answer for themselves
- Note any medicine changes: name, dose, start date
- Ask about tests, referrals and when results will come
- Ask what should prompt a call before the next visit
- Ask for written instructions
After
- Write a summary within the hour: discussed, changed, next steps, next visit
- Update the medication list
- Give each next step an owner and a date
- Share the summary with everyone involved
